Sandwich Shop Douchery

So my sibling and I went to a popular chain sandwich shop one day. It was about 3 in the afternoon-not exactly peak hours and there is a crowd inside of maybe 10 people jostling trying to get their orders taken. The sibling and I wondered what was going on.

Then the frightening scene unfolded: Late Lunch Douchery.

Now, I will admit quite freely that I'm pissy when I'm hungry. I get irrationally peeved at the littlest things (imagine that) and I am in no mood for dumbassery. But these two took it to another level previously unseen by myself or the other Sandwich Shop patrons and staff.

The scene went on as such:

There are two Late Lunch Douches ordering at least 10 sandwiches. They are holding up the line. The ladies behind the counter are becoming more and more frustrated because the two Late Lunch Douches are ordering for the entire office but won't let anyone else pay for their sandwiches first.

All occupants of said sandwich shop are on edge.

Then, suddenly it feels as though every takes a breath in and sucks all the oxygen out the room as a shout rents the air:

"I SAID CHEDDAR CHEESE!"

A bump and the plastic (glass?) protecting the precious sandwich ingredients is nearly knocked from it's metal clasps. A finger jabs into it, making it bulge and quake.

"THAT CHEESE!"

I turn to my sister and say, loudly and passive aggressively, "It's cheese, not the end of the world".

The Late Luncher who shouted slowly turns around and I proceed to wet my pants.

Standing before me is a woman older than 50 who is wearing a tacky brown pantsuit with an ill-fitted top. Her hair is askew. Her shoes are sensible slingbacks. Perfect for a thankless office job. She opens her fat trap:

"Well she's (pointing at poor sandwich shop employee who is quivering behind the counter) the one with the attitude!"

Everyone in the shop turns and looks at each other with uncomfortable "Can you believe this bitch?" looks. A tiny old woman in front of me turns to look at me and my sister and mouths, "Bitches". The sibling and I laugh. We end up managing to escape unscathed but those two Late Lunchers ruined the staff's day.

This made me think about a problem we have in our society. A problem that exists from the very top of the service ladder down to the roach coach parked next to the liquor store.

People have no respect for the folks who serve them. And I mean none. Working at a dining hall as a student taught me a lot about the disrespect students have for people who do the jobs they don't have to. I worked because I had to in order to keep my apartment. Students treated me like I was beneath them somehow, even though I had a year or two on them in school. I had more responsibilities than they did-less time to screw around and go to the dining hall just to mess with the staff. They would ask me stupid questions, try to prove that I was less intelligent than they were and just generally douche it out.

Please, douches of the world, stop acting like the world needs to kiss your feet and that every service worker exists to lick your neon high tops. They are there because you either can't do or don't want to do whatever it is you need done on your own. You need those people. Show them a little respect.

Douche of the Day: Understanding Spanish

I don't know Spanish. I've worked in a Mexican restaurant and thought it would be prudent of me to learn at least a teensy bit of Spanish to get along. As it turns out, I am terrible at learning a new language.

Anyway, I thought about this one day when I was carrying on a phone conversation with a woman who was ordering food.

She asks me for chicken tacos. We get through the rest of the order just fine.

I read her order back to her. She screams: "No PLATO, I said PLATO. Not TACO. Like platter, or plata?"

Me: "Plate? You meant chicken plates?"

Her: "Plato! I mean plato! What's plato in English?"

Me: "Plate. Plato is plate in English".

Her: "What? That doesn't make any sense. I want the platos of chicken"

Me: "Ok, so you want two chicken plates-"

Her: "NO, PLATOS-I don't want PLATES!"

Me: "A plato is a plate, ma'am"

Her: "What?"

Me: "A plato is a plate. It's the same thing".

Her: "Oh. Well what's my total?"